No more antideppresants... losing my mind

What do you think would help ?

Testosterone for the treatment of depression: A comprehensive review.
By liftsiron

Abstract:
Testosterone is the primary male sex hormone, 2009 will mark the 104th anniversary of the term “hormone” named by Ernest Starling. Although the biological effects of testosterone were known for many centuries, the name testosterone was only coined in 1935, when Ernest Liqueur isolated testosterone from bull testes. Modern androgen therapy started in 1935 when testosterone was chemically synthesized by Aldolf Butenandt and Leopold Ruzicka. In 1951 it was discovered that testosterone can improve nitrogen retention and increase lean muscle mass. This started a trend for use in sports by athletes to improve performance, and non-athletes to improve strength and for cosmetic change in body appearance.
The major FDA approved medical use for testosterone in the United States is for male hormone replacement, although medical doctors are also prescribing testosterone for low libidos in both male and female patients. Many studies are currently being done at present in the United States and abroad for other medical uses of the drug. One area is the therapeutic use of testosterone for the treatment of depression in males with depressed testosterone levels. Although there are not an overwhelming amount of studies available in literature on the subject, those that are available, suggest that the outlook appears to be very promising.
Review Criteria: All available published literature on the clinical use of testosterone for treatment of depression and associated disorders of a psychological nature, were considered for this review.

Intoduction:
Testosterone is responsible for normal growth and development of male sex organs and maintenance of secondary sex characteristics. It is the primary androgenic hormone, and its production and secretion are the end product of a series of hormonal interactions. Gonadotropin-releasing hormone is secreted by the hypothalamus and controls pulsatile secretion of luteinizing hormone and follicle-stimulating hormone by the anterior pituitary. Luteinizing hormone regulates the production and secretion of testosterone by the Leydig cells of the testes, and follicle-stimulating hormone stimulates spermatogenesis.
Testosterone replacement should in theory approximate the natural, endogenous production of the hormone in a circadian pattern. The average male produces 4-7 mg of testosterone per day. Testosterone therapy helps in stabilizing or increasing bone density, enhancing body composition by increasing lean muscle mass and reducing adipose tissue, improving energy and mood, maintaining or restoring secondary sexual characteristics, libido and erectile function. Reducing cognitive dysfunction by replacing testosterone to eugodnal levels in hypogonadal older men improves scores on cognitive tests. (Grey et al.2005)

Types of Testosterone Replacement Therapy

Testosterone replacement therapy should produce and maintain physiologic serum concentrations of the hormone and its active metabolites without significant side effects.
Several different types of testosterone replacement are currently available through prescription. We will skip oral medications, as they are rarely used because of adverse side effects and toxicity concerns.

Intramuscular injection:
Testosterone Cypionate and enanthate are frequently used preparations that provide a safe means of hormone replacement in hypogonadal men. Testosterone is esterified to inhibit degradation and to make it soluble in oil-based injections that retain the drug in muscle tissue and released slowly. In men 25 -60 years of age, an intramuscular injection of 200 to 300 mg Testosterone Enanthate generally produce serum testosterone levels that are above normal within the first few days following injection and fall into the normal ranges over the next 14 days. Fluctuations in testosterone levels may cause variations in libido, sexual function, energy, and mood. A dose of 300 to 400 mg may allow for maintenance of eugonadal levels of serum testosterone for up to three weeks. Higher doses will not lengthen the eugonadal period.
Transdermal systems:
Currently, three testosterone transdermal systems are marketed: a system applied to the scrotum that has no permeation enhancers. Two systems contain permeation enhancers for application to appendage or torso skin. Scrotal patches produce high levels of circulating dihydrotestosterone (DHT) due to the high 5-alpha-reductase enzyme activity of scrotal skin, DHT is implicated in prostate hypertrophy and perhaps cancer of the prostate. All 3 transdermals may cause skin irritation. Testosterone is a schedule III class drug and must be prescribed by a physician and possession without a valid prescription is a potential felony. The primary use for prescription testosterone in the United States at present is for hormone replacement in eugonadal men.
The normal dose prescribed is 100-200 milligrams either weekly or bi-weekly. The most commonly prescribed esters are cypoinate and enanthate and may be used interchangeably. At present testosterone is being studied as beneficial for treatment in numerous ailments which include but are not limited to cardiovascular disease, arteriosclerosis, thrombosis, hypertension, obesity, andropause, autoimmune disease, cognitive dysfunction and depression. However for the purpose of this paper we will explore the effects of testosterone replacement as treatment for depression.
Indications:
The FDA has approved the medically use of testosterone for male hormone treatment. Currently the FDA is reviewing the requests for use as treatment for female libido problems. Testosterone is often prescribed by medical doctors for male libido problems and erectile dysfunction. It is estimated that approximately 2-3 million men and women in the United States obtain the drug from the black market and self administer, often at a dose five to ten times the medically prescribed dose. For very long periods of time, in some cases, years without a break. (Kanayana et al.2006)

Pharmacokinetics:
Routes of administration include patch, transdermal gel, and injection. Injection certainly seems to be the best method in my estimation, because it insures a regulated timed release of the drugs. Gels are messy and often the dose is inaccurate or unintentionally removed from the skin before fully absorbed. Patches are reported to raise levels of DHT, which is a concern in regard to prostate problems. Both patch and gels can cause local skin irritation.
Concerning mechanism of action, as of this writing it’s seems that testosterone provides the majority of its benefits to individuals especially elderly men by correcting testosterone deficiency. (Okum et al.2002)
Metabolism:
Testosterone circulating in the blood is present in several forms. Testosterone is present as a free hormone (not bound to any protein) or bound weakly to the protein albumin. The majority of testosterone in circulation is bound to sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG). The (SHBG) bound testosterone is not available for biological activity. The free testosterone and the testosterone weakly bound to albumin comprise the bioavailable testosterone fraction which is responsible for peripheral androgenic effects.
Testosterone is converted to other clinically important compounds. Dihydrotestosterone (DHT) is produced by reduction through the action of 5-alpha- reductase, which is present in genital tissue, skin and the prostate. Estradiol (E2) is produced by the aromatase enzyme action on testosterone. The rate of conversion of testosterone to estradiol can be increased in obese men and in men with liver failure. Elevated levels of E2 can down regulate the hypothalamic-pituitary-gonadal axis, resulting in decreased gonadrotropin secretion and decreased circulating testosterone levels. The half life and elimination time depend entirely the ester added to the synthetic testosterone molecule when prepared as an oil soluble injectable .
Toxicology:
The toxic effects are an exaggeration of the normal pharmacological effects.
Discussion:
This paper is intended to explore various psychological effects of testosterone other than aggression. The association between testosterone and human aggression has been the focus of considerable research. ( O’Connor et al.2004)
Testosterone effects on human aggression remain controversial. Previous studies have been criticized because of low androgen dose, lack of placebo control etc. In one study 600mgs of testosterone enanthate a week was used. 43 eugonadal men, 16-40 years of age were randomized into 1-4 groups. Conclusion: suraphysiological doses of testosterone, when administered to normal men in a controlled setting, do not increase angry behavior. (Tricker et al. Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, vol. 81, 3754 3758)
A single dose of testosterone was administered to test weather the drug would increase the functional connectivity in a cortico-cortical depression circuit. Fourteen healthy females received (sublingually) a single dose of 0.5mg testosterone or placebo in a randomly assigned fashion. Three hours after the drug was given the functional coupling between the left prefrontal and right parental cortex was established by EEG. Testosterone administration significantly increased the functional connectivity. (Schutter et al. 2005)
Age associated hypogonadism occurs in 30% of men after the age of 55: it is associated with decreased muscle mass, bone density, libido, anorexia, fatigue, and irritability. Although some of these symptoms overlap with those of depression, the association between the two disorders is unclear. In a study which objective was, to determine if hypogondal men have an increased incidence of depressive illness compared with eugondal men. In a historical cohort study using computerized medical records followed by a normal record review. 278 men aged 45 years and older with constantly normal or low testosterone were assessed. The study concluded that hypogondal men showed an increased incidence of depressive illness and a shorter time to diagnosis of depression. (Shores et al.2004)
Another study investigated the impact of constant testosterone withdrawal on the central nervous system in humans. The design was a double blind assessment of the effects of short term hypo-gonadism and subsequent replacement with testosterone and placebo in a crossover design. Twelve health male volunteers participated. Observations of decreased sexual interest were noted during the hypogonadal state.
(Blough et al.2006)
Many patients with Parkinson’s disease (PD) suffer from nonmoteor symptoms including depression, anxiety, sexual dysfunction, decreased energy as well as an over all decline in perceived quality of life. This study reviewed case studies of five patients with ( PD) who had symptoms of testosterone deficiency, all five patients had low serum testosterone levels. Following testosterone replacement all five patients experienced improvements in their refractory nonmotor symptoms. The findings from this study reveal the unrecognized high prevalence of elderly male patients with (PD) that are hypogonadal similar to that found in the general population. And that they may respond favorably to testosterone replacement treatment. (Okum et al.2002)
Seventy men with symptomatic human immunodeficiency virus illness (HIV) enrolled in a double-blind placebo-controlled 6-week trail study with biweekly testosterone injections. Major outcome measures were Clinical Global Impressions ratings for libido, mood, energy, and erectile function; Hamilton Depression Rating Scale scores, and Chalder Fatigue Scale scores. Results as follows: for perception of a large improvement in libido, randomized for testosterone 74%, placebo 19%. For improved Axis I depressive disorder at baseline 58% of the testosterone treated patients reported improved mood as compared to 14% of the placebo group. Fatigue at baseline 59% of the subjects who received testosterone reported improvement as compared to 25% receiving placebo.
Testosterone supplementation may produce antidepressant effects in men. In a randomized, placebo-controlled trail, a testosterone transdermal gel was administered to men aged 30-65 who had refractory and low or borderline testosterone levels. Each subject continued his present antidepressant regimen during the trail. Ten subjects receiving testosterone and nine receiving placebo completed the 8-week trail. Subjects receiving testosterone had significantly greater improvement in scores on the Hamilton Depression Rating Scale. A significant difference was also found on the Clinical Global Impression severity scale but not on the Beck Depression Inventory. The authors conclude that these preliminary findings suggest that testosterone gel may produce antidepressant effects in the, and probably under recognized population of men with low testosterone levels. These findings may have important consequences for public health. In a given year 8% of American men over age 30 exhibit major depressive disorders. If this subgroup with refractory depression has a 43% prevalence of low testosterone levels as found in the present study, then in theory hundreds of thousands of men may be candidates for testosterone supplementation to treat depression. (Pope et al. 2003)
Serum concentration levels of gonadal hormones have been associated with various measures of well being but it’s unclear whether their association with mood is confounded by concurrent physical morbidity. The objective of the study described was to determine whether the association between serum testosterone concentration levels in older men is independent of physical comorbidity. Of 3987 men included in the study, 203 had depression. The participants with depression had significantly lower total and free testosterone concentration levels than the nondepressed participants. However the depressed men were also more likely to smoke and to have low educational attainment, a body mass index categorized as obese, a Mini-Mental State Examination score less than 24, a history of antidepressant drug treatment, and greater concurrent physical morbidity. After adjusting for these factors and for age, men with depression were 1.55 (95% CI, 0-91-2.63) and 2.71 (95% CI, 1.49-4.93) times more likely to have total and free testosterone levels in the lowest quintile. Conclusions: A free testosterone concentration in the lowest quintile is associated with a higher level of depression and this association cannot be explained by physical comorbidity. (Osvaldo et al. (2008)
A cross sectional population based study examined the association between endogenous sex hormones and depressed mood in older men living in a community setting. The participants were 856 men aged 50-89 years. Total and bioavailable testosterone, total and bioavailable estradiol and dihydrotestosterone levels were measured by radioimmunoassay. Depressed mood was assessed with the Beck Depression inventory (BDI). Levels of bioavailable testosterone and bioavailable estradiol decreased with age, but total testosterone, dihydrotestosterone, and total estradiol did not. BDI scores increased with age. Low bioavailable testosterone and high BDI scores were associated with weight loss and lack of physical activity, but not with cigarette smoking and alcohol intake. By linear regression the BDI scores were significantly and inversely associated with bioavailable testosterone. Bioavailable testosterone levels were 17% lower for 25 men with categorically defined depression than levels observed in all other men in the study. Neither total or bioavailable estradiol was associated with depressed mood. The results give a good indication that testosterone treatment might improve depressed mood in older men with depressed testosterone levels. (Barret-Conner et al. 1999)
Low testosterone levels in men certainly appear to be associated with depression in men, but does depression affect the activation of the hypothalamic-pituitary- adrenal system, which may negatively affect gonadal function at every level of regulaton. In a German study testosterone, pulsatile LH secretion, FSH, and cortisol were assessed using frequent sampling during a 24 hour period in 15 male inpatients with major depression of moderate to high severity and 22 healthy comparison subjects age range 22-85 years. An analysis of covariance showed that after adjustment for age only, daytime testosterone, nighttime testosterone, and 24 hour mean testosterone secretion were significantly lower in the depressed male patients. There was also a notable trend for for a decreased LH pulse frequency in the depressed patients. Conclusions: Gonadal function may be disturbed in men with a depressive episode of moderate to high severity. (Schweiger et al. 1999)
A comprehensive review of literature was performed by Howard C. Margolese, MD., the object was to note the hormonal changes that occur in aging males in order to determine if testosterone declines in relation to depressed mood and if testosterone might prove useful in treatment of depression. Articles reviewed were identified through a Medline search from 1966-1999. Findings include that there is a moderate decline of bioavailable testosterone in aging males. Elderly males who suffer depression appear to have the lowest testosterone levels. In some studies testosterone replacement in hypogondal males show a significant effect in association with depression, whereas some other studies do not. (Margolese, 2000.)
Summery:
In men testosterone secretion affects neurobehavioral functions, such as sexual arousal, aggression, emotions, and cognition. Beginning at the approximate age of 50, (younger in many cases) men secrete progressively lessening amounts of testosterone. Approximately 20% of men over age 60 have lower than normal testosterone levels. The psychiatric implications are poorly understood, yet there is considerable evidence of an association with depressive symptoms. (Seidman et al. 1999)
There continues to be mounting evidence that suggest that testosterone and several other anabolic-androgenic steroids may be effective treatment of depression, especially in aging men or men who experience a hypogondal condition. Despite the mounting evidence that testosterone treatment may be effective for the treatment of depression, cognitive disorders and certain nonmotor dysfunctions in certain diseases, the published literature in these areas are extremely limited in their availability for those pursuing research on the subject. Testosterone treatment for depression remains to be considered an experimental procedure by many in the medical and allied health field. It’s unfortunate that a drug so available, inexpensive and relatively low in adverse side effects is not researched more aggressively and thoroughly by our medical and scientific communities.
It appears by the data established in the reviewed literature used for the purpose of writing this paper, that low testosterone levels in males cause multiple physical and psychological disease and impairments. It also appears that as we age total bioavailable testosterone (the testosterone available for biological functions) levels fall most often without much change in the total testosterone levels. Unless Medical doctors run specific tests for bioavailable or free testosterone, men suffering from hypogondal symptoms may appear to have testosterone levels within the normal limits. Some early studies pre 1950’s suggest that testosterone was as effective as electroconvulsive therapy in trating depression in males, but with the development of tricyclic antideprssants and monamine oxidase inhibitors, testosterone was all but forgotten as a viable treatment for depression. However, over the past decade, interest in the testosterone/depression association has sparked renewed research in this area. There certainly great need for more research into the area of testosterone replacement as a possible treatment for a number of psychological or neurobiological disorders. Synthetic testosterone, is readily available, inexpensive, and relatively low in adverse side effects when use at a therapeutic dose.

Reference:

Almeida, Yeap, Hankey, Jamrozik, Flicker “Low Free Testosterone Concentration as a Potentially Treatable Cause of Depressive Symptoms in Older Men” Archives of General Psychiatry Vol. 65, No. 3, March 2008
Aromaki, Linderman and Eriksson. “Testosteronem sexually and antisocial personality in rapists and child molesters: a pilot study. Journal of Psychiatry Research Vol. 110, Issue 3, 31 July 2002, 237-247
Azurmendi, Braza, Garcia, Braza, Munoz, and Sanchez-Martin “Aggression, dominance, and affiliation: Their relationships with androgen levels and intelligence in 5-year-old children.” Journal Hormones and Behavior Vol 50, Issue 1, June 2006 pages 132-140
Barrett-Connor, Muhlen, Kritz-Silverstein. “Bioavalable Testosterone and Depressed Mood in Older Men: The Rancho Bernardo Study. The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism Vol. 84 No. 2, 573-577, 1999
Blouh Rubinow, berlin, Kevela, kim, and Schmidt. “Monoamines and Neurosteroids in sexual reaction during induced hypogonadism in healthy men.” Journal General Psychiatry, Vol. 63 No. 4, April 2006
Bokhovan, Van Goozen, Van Eagoland, Schaal, Arseneault, Segwin, Assard, Nagin, Vitar and Tremblay. “Salivary testosterone and aggression, delinquency, and social dominance in a population – based longitudinal study of adolescent wales.” Journal of Hormones and Behavior Volume 50, Issue 1, June 2006 pages 118-125
Delhez, Hansenne, and Legros. “Testosterone and Deprssion on men aged over 50 years. Andropause and psychopathology: minimal systemic work-up”. Ann Endrcrinol(Paris) 2003.
Gray, Singh, Woodhoase, Strer, Casahari, Dzekov, Sinha-Hikim and Bhasin “Dose-Dependent Effects of Testosterone on sexual function, mood and visuospatial cognition in older men.” The Journal of Clinical Eudocringlogy and Mataholism. Vol 90, No. 7.
David J. Handlesman “The Rationale for Banning Human Chorionic Gonadotropin and Estrogen Blockers in Sport” The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism. Vol 91, No. 5
Hermous, Putman, Bess, Koppeschear, and Van Honk. “A Single Administration of Testosterone Reduces Fast Potentiated Startle in Humans.” Journal of Biological Psychiatry Vol. 59 Issue 7, May 2006 pages 872-874
Kalasountes, Reed, Fitzpatrick “The Effect of Placebo-Induced Changes in Expectancies on Maximal Force Production in College Students” Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, Vol. 19, Issue 1, June 2007, Pages 116-124
Amiaz, Kanayama, Pope, Seidman “Testosterone Supplementation for Depressed Men: Current Research and Suggested Treatment Guidelines” Experimental and Clinical Psychopharmacology 2007, Vol. 15, No. 6, pages 529-538
Klinosmith, Kasser, and McAndrew. “Guns, Testosterone, and Aggression: An Experimental Test of a Meditational Hypothesis.” Journal of Psychological Science, Vol. 17 Issue 7, Pages 568-571
Klinkova, Heistermann and Hodges, “Social Parameters and Urinary Testosterone Levels in Male Chimpanzees.” Journal of Hormones and Behavior, Vol 45, Issue 4, Pages 474-489.
Margolese. The Male Menopause and Mood: Testosterone Decline and Depression in the Aging Male-is There a Link? Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry and Neurology, Vol. 13, No. 2, 2000
Mehta, Josephs. “Testosterone Change after Losing Predicts The Decision to Compete Again” Journal of Hormones and Behavior, Vol. 50, Issue 5 pages 684-692
McGinnis. “Anabolic Androgenic Steroids and Aggression: Stimulus Using Animal Models.” Youth Violence: Scientific Approaches to Prevention Vol. 1036, Dec. 2004
O’ Connor, Archer, and Wa. “Effects of Testosterone on Mood, Aggression, and Sexual Behavior: A Double Blind, Placebo Controlled, Cross Over Study” The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism Vol. 89, No. 6
Okum, McDonald and Deang “Refractory Non Motor Symptoms in Male Patients with Parkinson Disease Due to Testosterone Deficiency.” Archives of Neurology Vol. 59, No. 5, May 2002.
Pagonis, Angelopoalos, Koukoulis and Hadjchristodolou “or Psychiatric side effects induced by supraphysiological doses of combinations of anabolic steroids correlate to the severity of abuse.” Journal of European Psychiatry, Vol. 21, Issue 8, pages 551-582
Pope, Cohane, Kaneyama, Siegel, and Hudson “Testosterone Gel Supplementation for Man with Refractory Depression: A Randomized Placebo Controlled Trial.” American Journal of Psychiatry, Jan 2005
Frovkin, Wagner and Rablin “A Double Blind, Placebo Controlled Trial of Testosterone Therapy for HIV Positive Men With Hypogonadal Symptoms.” Archives of General Psychiatry Vol. 57, No. 2, Feb 2000
Rabkin, McElhiney, Rabkin, McGrath and Ferrando “Placebo Controlled Trial of DHEAL for Treatment of Nonmajor Depression in Patients with HIV/AIDS.” American Journal of Psychiatry, Jan 2006
Rejeski, Brubaker, Herb, Kaplon and Karitnik “Anabolic steroids and aggressive behavior in cynomolgas monkeys” Journal of Behavioral Medicine, Vol. 11, No. 1, Feb 1988
Sapolsky, “Endocrine Aspects of Social Instability in The Olive Baboon.” American Journal of Primatology, Vol. 5, Issue 4, pages 365-379
Seidman and Walsh “Testosterone and Depression in aging men”. American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry, Feb, 1999.
Schmidt, Berlin, Canaceau, Neerenm Hag, Roca, and Rubinow, “The Effects of Pharmacologically Induced Hypogonadism on Mood in Healthy Men.” Archives of General Psychiatry, Vol. 61, No. 10, Oct 2004
Schutter, Peper, Koppeschaar, Kaha and Honk, “Administration of Testosterone Increases Functional Connectivity in a Cortico-Cortical Depression Circuit.” Journal of Neuropsychiatry Clinical Neuroscience, Aug 2005
Schweiger, Deuschle, Weber, Korner, Lammers, Schmider, Gotthardt, and Heuser. “Testosterone, Gonadotropin, and Cortisol Secretion in Male Patients with Major Depression”. Psychomatic Medicine 61: 292-296, 1999
Sharp, Collins, “Exploring the ‘Inevitability’ of The Relationship Between Anabolic-Androgenic Steroid Use and Aggression in Human Males” Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, Vol. 20, Issue 4, Dec 1978
Shores, Sloan, Matsumato, Moceri, Felker and Kiulahan, “Increased Incidence of Diagnosed Depressive Illness in Hypogonaded Older Men.” Archives of General Psychiatry, Vol. 61, No. 2, Feb 2004
Sink, Schultz and Zehr, “Ouberty: A Finishing School for Male Social Behavior.” Annuals of The New York Academy of Sciences (2003), Vol. 1007, pages 189-198
Steemsiand, Halberg, Kindlundh, Fahlke and Nyberg, “Amphetamine induced aggression is henhanced in rats pre-treated with the anabolic androgonic steroid nandrolone decanoate.” Science Direct, Vol. 70, Issue 3, pages 199-204
Tricker, Casabari, Clevenger, Borman, Shivazi and Bhasin, “The effects of supraphysiological doses of testosterone on angry behavior in healthy eugonadal men: a clinical research study.” Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, Vol. 81, 3754-3758
Taitan, Von Houk, Koppeschaar, Bernoards, Thijssenand Verbaon, “Time Course of Effects if Testosterone Administration on Sexual Arousal in Women.” Archives of General Psychiatry, Vol. 57, No. 2, Feb 200X
Wierman, Basson, Davis, Khosla, Miller, Rosnev and Santaro, “Androgen Therapy in Women: An Endocrine Society Clinical Practice Guideline.” Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, Vol. 91, No. 10, 3697-3710
Zitzmann and Nieschlag, “Testosterone levels in healthy men and the relation to behavioral and physical characteristics: fact and constructs.” European Journal of Endocrinology, Vol. 144, Issue 3, 183-197

combine some Tianeptine (Stablon) with a low dose Modafinil.

(ps: I'm no doctor)

Don't stop your cardio and lifting as it has been well documented that exercise "eases" symptoms (anxiety) and the occurrence of depression.

Yea, im just gonna keep training and hope for the beast

you could tell your doc...
i know from experience if they think you are going to quit bc of insurance they will load you up on samples and will continue doing so

Not gonna happen. My doc fucking sucks. I am just biting the bullet. As long as I dont commit suicide all will be well. That is honestly my focus is to just keep on keeping on for the next couple of weeks

Maybe you should see a therapist and a new doctor quickly. Suicide is not an option at all. It may take longer than a few weeks.

I woke up today feeling... well normal. I think I have weathered the storm. My life has never been all that easy and I am use to all sorts of difficult challenges. Long of the short is I think I am gonna be just fine. Its been 5 days since I ran out of meds and the first 3 were very trying but like I said I woke up today feeling pretty dam normal. I will keep you all in the loop over the next few weeks as to my mental status progress. I think I am far better off without the meds then with them. Only time will tell though

P.S. While I no suicide is never really an option god knows it feels like a very real and practical option at times. I just remember what my mother told me a long time ago when the chips were down. She said dont try to make it to tommorow. Dont try to make it till tonight. Just concentrate on the next few minutes. She told me alls I have to do is make it through the next minute and never look passed that. I know it sounds like stupid advice but it worked and worked well

O, I am taking 600mg of test and plan on keeping it that way for at least the next 45 days. Then I will drop it back to 250-350 range

Posted by: neworleansgt

Dont try to make it till tonight. Just concentrate on the next few minutes. She told me alls I have to do is make it through the next minute and never look passed that. I know it sounds like stupid advice but it worked and worked well

An old mentor of mine used to always say "its always darkest before the dawn" That kind of stuck with me for life. Even though he is long dead & gone, i think of him saying that alot when things are bad. He got through 2 nazi POW camps & alot of other shit during the war so I believe his advice

I believe it! Did you have depression before you started taking supplements such as testosterone?

Posted by: neworleansgt

P.S. While I no suicide is never really an option god knows it feels like a very real and practical option at times. I just remember what my mother told me a long time ago when the chips were down. She said dont try to make it to tommorow. Dont try to make it till tonight. Just concentrate on the next few minutes. She told me alls I have to do is make it through the next minute and never look passed that. I know it sounds like stupid advice but it worked and worked well

Might sound stupid to you or others, but I can tell you from personal experience that this is amazing advice. At times, looking any further into the future than the next minute just feels like a lifetime of pain.

Posted by: ready2explode

Might sound stupid to you or others, but I can tell you from personal experience that this is amazing advice. At times, looking any further into the future than the next minute just feels like a lifetime of pain.

To be honest it felt as if for the first couple of days I had lost control of my emotions ranging from tears to anger to terror and back again. All emotions experienced within minutes and even seconds of each other. Now it feels as if the dust has settled and alls I am left with is getting really pissy about little things and uber fucking annoyed with dumb shit. However it is a welcome change to have these feelings of anger. True emotion. I wait and wonder to see if happiness is felt in the same manner with some "truth" to it