Wog's guide to da gym ;)

WogLife's guide to the gym So you're looking for a gym to join, As with most things the name is very very important .. anything containing the word "Spartan", or "Rocco's" in it's name is more than appropriate, however do not, and I repeat do NOT join a BC The Body Club or some other big name gym. Why? simple: fewer wogs and more skips, and, between you and me, all the women are lesbos anyway, not that there's anything wrong with that!. Once you have found a gym that suits your woggy needs, i.e Has the right sports bars, nice chick behind the counter, tanning salon etc, then it is time to negotiate your membership. Now being a wog you probably already have a family member or close friend that attends this gym or maybe even works there. Just go in and tell them that your cousin Bruno referred you and that he got a discount, always try and get at least a hundred dollars cheaper than the going rate, because if you're a guy then that would probably impress the chicks later on. Now we get to the hard part, getting an appraisal from an instructor. When they assess you and weigh you up, all that type of stuff, just remember, it's very inaccurate. Always halve what they give you when they tell you your body fat percentage, so if it is up at 30, it is really only 15% and that's just as good as Mike Tyson. Remember, the customer is always right. Secondly, do not follow the work-out routine that they prepare for you. Most instructors are wimps who could not cut it as Mr. Universe so they do not know what they are talking about. Always do more reps and more sets than what they tell you. Remember, you are here to pick up chicks, not look like a pussy, they never understand that.. Whenever there is a good looking chick/guy near you depending on who you are, then guys this is what you do: Breathe extremely hard after every rep, Make religious references when struggling with a machine or weight, Try and force yourself to sweat profusely, especially from the forehead, chicks love that shit and it is a natural aphrodisiac. After every set take a short break and glance at the chick for a few seconds, if she looks at you then wipe your face with a towel just to show how hard you are working out. However make sure you do not make this big mistake, don't act too tired! Chicks want a guy who can take the heat remember. For chicks whenever a guy is near you in the gym: It really doesn't matter what you do, more so what you wear. I will cover this now with Wogs and Gym fashion. Wogs and Gym Fashion: Guys - Either any of these brands: Kappa, Adidas, Nike, Reebok, FUBU, Lotto, Fila. I would advise against wearing bright colours and black. Bright colours make you look like king fruit, and with black, chicks cannot see how much you are sweating. Chicks - Anything that is skimpy, shows a lot of leg and pushes your breasts up. Wear your hair in a pony tail coz that just looks cool when you work out. If you can, wear Kappa coz that is a big turn on for wog guys. And pink is in at the moment in way of chicks gym attire. Now onto the advanced rules of the gym. For guys, Always travel to your gym in packs. Make sure there at least 7 or 8 of you and that at least 3 of you are called either; Tony, Gino, Mario or Vince. Make sure at least half of you are over six foot, however for Calabrese and Siciliani this may be a problem. Make sure that at least 5 of you have got biceps that look as if they just can't be natural. When one of you is doing a set, everyone else should crowd around him, two should be spotting him, and the others should be either on their phones (possibly to each other), discussing what club to go to that night or talking about the night before, or checking out any nearby chicks. At times, crowd over the guy doing the set, forget the fact that he may need air, coz wog guys are tough anyway. For the guy doing the set, you may need to act even tougher just to look good in front of your mates, just in case you can't cut it with the exercise. After every rep shout these words at various stages: "Slut" "Bitch" "F##k" "MotherF##k" and the classic "Minchia" (for Italians only) Guys that are surrounding him, make sure to ask questions while he is doing these exercises, for example: "Hey Gino, after this we go sauna right mate"? To which Gino will reply: "Hfffmmmpp, yeh...hmmmggghhh, SLUT"! Now for girls, it is less complicated, basically just take your best friend, wear different colours so us guys don't get confused, and use the treadmill for your entire stay at the gym. Talk to each other the whole time and look like you are ignoring any other guys, but look at them quickly when they are not looking at you, check out how much sweat is on their clothes and running off their foreheads. Now, with your intense workout complete, you are able to consider leaving the gym, remember guys to hang out in the locker room for at least another hour. Talk to each other and on your phones. Swear as much as possible to make yourselves look tougher, and talk about how many of the chicks you saw that you would like to "do". Before leaving, go to the counter and purchase a dozen protein bars and a few milkshakes all while flirting with the nice chick behind the counter. If she is blonde, make sure you get her number otherwise you have a problem. If brunette, then make sure you get her number a week later. That concludes my extensive look at the Wog's Guide to the gym, remember to use this advice as much as you can and build those bodies. 😀 😀 😀